Capture Your Grief Day 1: Sunrise

Sunrise: Texas, USA

Psalm 34:18 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 


Praising Him

We were recently asked to share our testimony at church. The series is called “Dealing with it,” and our story was chosen to be part of week one: Dissapointment.

We were so honored to be chosen to share, and started brainstorming ideas and what to/not to share. Digging back into feelings we’ve experienced over the past three years was hard. Harder than we expected it would be. Some days were downright UGLY. But we trust God’s plan and kept working on it.

Beth Moore said something in her James study, “Mercy Triumphs,” that was very eye opening (The timing of this study couldn’t have been more perfect). She explained that we are called to “honesty with modesty.” Modesty? Really? How can we be modest in sharing our testimony following the loss of our daughter???

Because God will fill in the details.

So we let Him.

We chose to share just enough to touch the hearts of those who need it and let God lead the rest of the way.

The same way he leads us.

We chose to share the PURE joy He brought to us through our trials. (James 1:2)

We chose to Praise Him.

Moddison Testimony Video

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Capture Your Grief Day 31: Sunset

Marysville, WA USA: October 29th, 2014 at 5:55pm
This has been another eye opening project of sharing our journey with grief.
We are so thankful for the continued love and support from all of you.
Some days are extremely difficult and emotional.
Some days are so peaceful.
But every day we are reminded…
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Capture Your Grief Day 29: Reflect

Dried flower petals from Sophie’s Memorial Service
I questioned whether or not we should participate in Capture Your Grief this year, and looking back I am so thankful that we decided to go forward with it. This blog started as a way to share Sophie’s medical updates with friends and family. Then it turned into a place to ask for prayers that our daughter would survive. It transitioned quickly into a place where we were angry. And sad. And scared. And hopeless. And hopeful. I could go on. Our hope is that this blog has become a resource for families like us. Families trying to find the light during the darkest time of their lives.
Our first year doing Capture Your Grief, the “wound” was still fresh. We had barely scratched the surface of our grief. Last year, we were full of hope because we had our rainbow baby and we were so surrounded by love. This year, we’ve learned a lot about ourselves. As parents, as a husband and wife, as a grieving family. We’ve been welcomed and comforted by so many wonderful people, and people who have been through the same thing as us. 
We’ve become closer to God, and with that, closer to peace.
Who knows what the next year will hold, but what we do know is…
Our relationship with grief is always evolving. 
This is still the beginning of our story.

Capture Your Grief Day 28: Wisdom

“Do not hurry as you walk with grief.”

“Be gentle as you walk with grief.”

Today, instead of a photo, I have chosen to share a very special video.

These are wise words from our Pastor Dan Hazen.
This was shared Saturday morning following a tragic shooting at our local high school.
Our community is grieving and in need of prayers.
It’s a prayer that I wanted to share because it moved me.
It’s a prayer that should be shared with any and all of us who are grieving.

It is a prayer that is true.


Capture Your Grief Day 27: Express

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always
– Jeremy Camp –

Capture Your Grief Day 26: Healing Ritual

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”.
Maya Angelou
We have chosen to change it.
Recently, we read 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, and it COMPLETELY changed our life.
Yes. A book has changed our life.
We’ve been inspired, motivated, and challenged.
We have been called to live a life more simple, generous, and Christ-like.
To identify areas of excess and help others.
To change it if we don’t like it.
It all started this month with a 31 day REAL FOOD Challenge.
No processed food. No artificial sweeteners.
We are eliminating the excess “junk.”
We are eating local and organic. And spending less money.
We are hooked.
And we aren’t looking back.
Our money is going farther, our energy level is higher, and our clothes are fitting better.
This is our Healing Ritual.
Changing what we did not like.
We aim to live long, be strong, and model this for our son.


Capture Your Grief Day 25: Mother Earth

It’s fall here in the Pacific Northwest. Choosing something to plant to give a place for Sophie to grow in this world was difficult, but then we saw this Purple King shrub. It’s perfect. It is perfect for our climate and perfect for Sophie. We have a Pinky Winky Hydrangea and a Pink Lemonade Blueberry plant that were given to us by Sophie’s Aunt and Uncle, but they die off in the fall and don’t come back until the beginning of summer. This perfect shrub will fill that gap. 
We have chosen to plant it in a yellow pot. Something bright and cheery to bring some color to our patio in the fall and winter. While it will not be planted in the earth, it will be planted in honor of Sophie. It will be tended to and allowed to thrive just as we let her spirit thrive in us. 

Capture Your Grief Day 24: Forgiveness

I keep reflecting back to conversations that I have had over the past week, with women who have become close to me. I expressed my difficulty in being able to find forgiveness. I was asked (in a couple different ways)… Do I believe that my heart can be changed?

My answer?

After today. After realizing how broken this world is (even in this small city we call home), I see how important it is for US to be able to find forgiveness. ALL. OF. US. For me, forgiving someone doesn’t mean I approve of their behavior, it means I’m letting it go of what they have done for my own healing and peace. I think if we were quicker to forgive than to get angry and hold grudges, this world would be a much better place.

Today, an awful thing happened. There was a shooting at a high school only a couple of miles from our house. At the high school Caleb will go to if we are still living here. At the high school that so many friends and family of friends are affiliated. Many families are hurting tonight, and my heart hurts for them. If the stories are true about the “motive” the shooter had, maybe something as simple as forgiveness could have saved lives and heartache. Maybe he could have found peace. Tonight, while rocking my son to sleep, I held him closer and tighter than ever before. I imagine so many mothers in our community are doing the same tonight while they pray for peace for the families involved in this terrible situation, and pray that their child never feels the pain the children today experienced.

Recently I have been let down, disappointed, and down right pissed off by people in my life.
Today opened my eyes. Today opened my heart.
Today I am choosing to forgive.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32