Capture Your Grief Day 13: Dark/Light

Sophie weighed 5lb 8oz and was born at 6:15AM

I’ve chosen to do tomorrow’s topic, today. Today, I need to talk about the ugly side of grief. About the dark cloud that has been hovering. Today, while trying to decide on a photo to post for the “season” topic, I went back through the NILMDTS photos that were taken of Sophie in the hospital.

And got mad.

I’m mad that in 99% of the photos, our daughter looks like a doll.
I’m mad that the photo (above) of the card with Sophie’s birth information on it is WRONG.
I’m mad that when we requested different photos, we just got another set of over edited photos where our daughter does not look like herself.
I’m mad that we only took two (cell phone) photos of Sophie because we trusted that the photographer, who is responsible for remembrance photography, did not give us adequate photos to REMEMBER what our daughter looked like.
I’m mad that I’ve let it go two and a half years before getting mad about it!

This is part of the dark side of grief. This is the type of anger that still creeps in no matter how much I pray, hope and trust. I still trust that God’s plan is true, but these moments still arise.

And today… I needed to let you in.